Sunset

When I was young, sunset was my least favorite time of day. I wasn’t done: playing on the playground, climbing a tree, lip-sinking plus dance moves to the most current pop song (yes, I did that only a couple times), reading a book, writing a poem or story, enjoying someone’s company. I didn’t want to go home, didn’t want to be tired and sleepy. The sun disappearing was very depressing to me. I was a summer girl who loved to swim. My parents even called me the family porpoise. I know, why not a dolphin! Porpoise sounds so clumsy and….wait….I guess that did fit *sigh*. I couldn’t stand looking at sunsets; I didn’t even want to be outside. Just to clear things up, night-time was a whole other story. Night-time meant more shenanigans! But sunset, no thank you.

Just after Lily was born I became fascinated by the evening years of life. I’m pretty sure the interest was born from the fact that I was discovering the Mother aspect of the Goddess in an intimate way. I was freaking out on the inside like most new moms plus I had created a couple emotional cyclones before I found out that I was pregnant, so, I was really stressed.

“What’s next?” is my go-to coping mechanism to try and diffuse the intensity or stress of most situations. “How odd!”, you say. A lot of people bring up the past when life was “good” and “stress-free”. Early in life, I recognized that “it’s love’s illusions that I recall”. That isn’t bad, but to expect it to be the same is unrealistic.

So, this is why I look to the unknown of the future, imagining what it will be like to be old-old. What can I do now to make sure that I’m happy? That I’m still in love with my husband? That Lily grows up to be a well-adjusted non-conformist? *wink* Also all the practical stuff but I had to work with my husband on that and he is stubborn to change, I mean, I love you honey! I am solely responsible for how I deal with my own emotions. Granted you share your burdens with your partner but they are not responsible for changing them for you.

I’m a very cerebral person. “Intent is Everything” I planned an emotional road. I made adjustments or totally sledgehammered my ideals. It just wasn’t worth risking the happiness of my future because I was unwilling to change and being wrecked by hormones and life growing in my womb helped a lot with that process. I am still the same girl just all grown up! In retrospect I call it an emotional road but at the time I just changed my course of thinking to something more productive.

Being a writer, observer of the human condition and filled with a desire to learn, I discovered some ways older folks cope. I even considered going into gerontology, fascinated as I was. But then realized that I needed an emotional road planned and needed to focus on this squalling pink thing that stank but also had the cutest smile that lit up my world like a disco-ball and compelled me to dance, sing, and make funny noises. I still remember how she loved laying on the bed as I flew the sheet up in the air to float down on her. Her eyes bright, arms and legs kicking around, sharp and undulating giggles! *shakes head* aaaargh, must stop reminiscing! Focus on blogging…

I’ve even written a story about an old guy who is coping with the loss of his beloved wife and have a draft of another where a daughter takes care of her father in his old age losing his memory.

I view life through a pagan perspective and follow the philosophy that there are at least three aspects of the Goddess and God all corresponding to different parts of life. Goddess: Maiden, Mother, Crone. God: Youth, Father, Sage. Also these aspects reside within us. I was a Maiden at one time and still am in many ways. Now I am a Mother. I will be a Crone in the future in which I will still retain traits of the Maiden and Mother stages of my life. I do not claim to know what it is like to be a Crone, only through observation and meditation and ponderings have I even attained a glimpse.

Being a Maiden or Youth is about building the foundation of your life. They hold the potential of life. Figuring out what you want out of your journey. Even figuring out how to figure stuff out, that’s a skill that will always be useful, always! This is when play is work and work feels like play. When you till your land, plant seeds and are amazed when green pushes through the soil reaching for the sun and catching the rain.

Being a Mother or Father is about maintaining and growing. The growth of life. This isn’t just for people who have children. There will be a time when you realize that you’re responsible for everything in your life. Your crops will die if you do not watch out for them. When the soil is bone dry, you find a way to water them. When part of the crop is failing, you decide what you will do with it. Be grateful for whatever help is provided to you but there is no shirking the duty of being a Mother or Father. Okay, I just realized there is a soapbox that was camouflaging as carpet under my feet, sorry about that.

I think Careers are bit more like a field of crop that you have to maintain as they grow but you have to deal with other people. And Children are little stubborn people that no matter what they say need you to hold their hand until you’ve observed they can do it on their own. They must be cultivated so that they can function in society and have the tools they need to accomplish what they want out of life.

Being a Crone or Sage: like I wrote before, I am not a Crone. I’m sure I’ve been a Crone in previous incarnations but I am not going to assume I know what it is like to be a Crone in this day and age. From observations and talking with Crones, I’ve found that being a Crone is about reaping the rewards of life. Crones get to watch the rest of us make mistakes and cackle with their friends who are other Crones. They’ve made these mistakes, too, so they can laugh about it. Also we, young ones, can take the opportunity to hear the Crone’s wisdom. Doesn’t mean we take it or even understand but you better be grateful! Most experiences can only be truly understood through the experience. Regardless, it must feel better to know that someone else came through a similar/same experience just fine.

When I found out I was pregnant, who did I call? No, not ghostbusters. I called the Crone. My mom and my spiritual mom/mentor. I felt safe talking to them because they had been where I was and had come out of the entire thing just fine.
The point is, Crones and Sages know lots! So Listen and Be Grateful!

Wrapping up: when I see sunsets, I watch and marvel at their beauty. I sit outside with my love and enjoy the colorful sky. As long as I am happy, I feel some sort of fulfillment at the end of the day I welcome the coming of night. (When I still participate in shenanigans!)

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