I am still acclimating to not having classes to attend anymore. This is not unusual. I go through this every summer (except last summer when I took classes) but, of course, this is different because I’ve accomplished a bachelors. I’m planning to go back in the fall if a university will have me. I know they will. I’m wavering a little about what to go back for. Creative writing is an obvious choice, then I can teach but is there anything else I’d like to do? I’ve always thought that I can change my career later on if I want to. I also have becoming a librarian in the back of my head (been there for a while). I’m not sure about all that computer stuff they do. I’m not a computer dunse. I just learn it by necessity.
I realized the other day that I’ve always wanted to be writer ever since I thought about “what do I want to do when I grow up”. That doesn’t mean that it is all I can or have to do. Previous to becoming a mother I was undecided about my major in college. I tried psychology first because I like listening to people and it was a form of healing that I felt I would do well with. Then photography because I thought I couldn’t draw worth a damn but I really enjoyed art and creating it, oh but wait, drawing courses are part of the curriculum, no worries turned out one can become pretty decent with practice! Considered music because I play violin, successful when constantly practicing but steadily rusty as time went on during my busy early twenties, plus I was quite sick of it by then. Then I graduated with an Associates in Liberal Studies because by the end of my time at Owens I had given birth to Lily and that my friends compelled me to decide on English, concentration Creative Writing as a major because if there was one thing I felt I could excel in, it was writing. I was so focused that when my last semester rolled around and I found out I still needed three “related” courses that were not supposed to be in my major, I froze, I had no idea what I wanted to take. Whatever I was going to take had to have writing involved because that is what I do.
One of the courses was astronomy which I thought would keep my interest but there was no writing, no research, no nothing like that. I drowned in boredom even though I think the subject is really extraordinary and I wanted to have something more to talk with my husband about because he is enjoys it also. It was like talking with a friend or mentor or someone you find completely interesting and after a while your yawning. Your brain says this is awesome, exactly what I want but your body starts to shut down because you are not holistically invigorated. On cutting the course some slack it was a freshman course but still I wanted to be enthusiastic about astronomy. Instead Ifell asleep during the powerpoint presentation.
My other courses made up for the fact that there was no writing in this one, though. The writing course at the Toledo Art Museum kicked my butt. My progress showed the meaning of Truman Capote’s quote “Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” Though the beginning was sour the ending was sweet. I swam against a strong current and succeeded in reaching a beautiful beach where I am currently holding up, trying to get my senses back in order.
Anyway, I’m focusing on my writing right now. Trying to get the need for deadlines, prompts, and camaraderie of classmates out of my habits. I have plenty of poetry to revise and send out to publishers. Working on some short story collections and a few novel ideas.